For most of my life, I’ve known little of Desire. Or, so I thought…
Occasionally, some big thing would come my way and I would know that THAT was it. THAT was what I desired, desperately. Not in a desperate way, though… which likely sounds odd… more that this offer or opportunity in front of me held a key to who I was and to who I wanted to become.
For example, my freshmen year of college… learning about study abroad programs and just knowing, from a deep heart place, that I needed to devote a year to living in a foreign country.
Later, encountering the ancestors and even though I was initially terrified of them (hello, fundamentalist upbringing whispering that relating with the ancestor is akin to devil worship and will surely result in me spending eternity in the fiery depths of hell), trusting a deeper part of me that sent me towards them vs away from them.
I’m so thankful I followed that prompting, that desire!
And, more recently, feeling that odd electric combination of excitement+fear that led me to joining an Existential Kink (the shadow integration work of Carolyn Elliott) coaching program.
There have been many instances where that pull of Desire has guided me in life-changing and amazing ways. There are many time where I have listened to that felt sense of ‘THIS is what you desire.’
When I’ve followed it, I haven’t been led astray. My life is profoundly enlivened by these times when I’ve followed my desire.
My quest these days is to follow the quieter promptings of Desire more consistently.
On a day-to-day basis, it seems Desire is often far away. I’m in my head (Desire, unfortunately, does not reside in the head), planning the day, strategizing how we’re going to complete all the items on our ToDo lists and make all the appointments on our calendars. Who is going to pick up D? How will we get him there? What are your priorities for the day? What is non-negotiable for me? And on and on…
In these moment, I’ve noticed that Desire still lurks deep within me… possibly whispering how much she’d like to take a walk in the sun… or sit on a rock by the lake and watch the sunset… or just lay on her back on the Earth feeling spring beginning to burst forth.
*These* whispers I tend to miss. These are the Desires I wish to train myself to hear and to heed (to actually act upon).
My life has been upturned and transformed in unexpectedly delightful ways every time I’ve acted upon the “louder” callings of Desire. What might happen if I were to consistently follow these quieter promptings of Desire?
This is where I’m headed. 🙂 Want to join me?
with love,
Larisa
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