On Breadcrumbs and Hiding

In my mastermind group last week, we spent some time teasing out the different personalities behind our businesses. You know, the various archetypes that come together to make each of our businesses the unique things that they are.

Then, we spent some time interacting this these different aspects or personalities through collaging.

Yeah, you want to be a part of my mastermind group, I know.

One member spent some time with the father (or provider) figure – the aspect of her businesses that wanted to make certain her basic needs were met.

Another member interacted with Demon Girl – the aspect of her business that felt driven to work long hours, do everything perfectly and be everything for everyone.

Myself, well… I played with a couple of themes.

Now, though, several days later, this is the story that keeps re-playing itself in my mind.

I’m at a party in Saint Julians on the island of Malta (where I lived for 9 months my sophomore year of college). I’m 20. The party is filled with lively conversation, lots of laughter, and beautiful, interesting people from all over the world. In short, it’s exactly the kind of thing I love.

Except, that night, I don’t. That night I’m sick of talking, of being around lots of people, of the banter, of the free-flowing wine and amazing Mediterranean food.

All I want to do is hide.

I duck out of the party and flee to the rooftop. There are a few people up there as well but I bide my time and eventually am able to slip, unseen, over a low wall and into a small alcove overlooking the streets below. I am hidden.

Which is what I wanted, right?

Well, yes, for a little while anyway. Nearly immediately, however, I starting wanting to be found.

Not by anyone. By the right person.

Now, I didn’t know who that might be – there were, like I said, lots of cool, engaging people at the party. And, that was half the fun… wondering and imagining just who that person might be.

Who, also seeking refuge from the party, would think to seek out a private space for a moment? Who would ascend to the roof, spy the same alcove I’d found, see me and want to join me?

I didn’t *really* want to be alone.

I just wanted to be with the right person that night. Someone who would a) notice I was missing and come looking for me (and find me) or b) be seeking the same thing as me (to hide and simultaneously be found).

In short, I was looking for a deeper connection than I was finding at the party that night. I wanted to engage and share with another person on a more personal level. I wanted to see and be seen.

Unfortunately, that night, I wasn’t found. That night I sat on the rooftop, alone, and listened to the sounds of accented laughter spilling out onto the streets.

And eventually, disappointed, I headed home.

So, why is this the story that keeps running through my head, now, some 10 years later?

One of the primary personalities of my business is evident in this story. The personality that wants to hide… and to be found.

It’s an aspect of myself that shows up repeatedly in my business.

And often, as in the story, my business is not found. Because it hides so very well. So well, in fact, that no-one even knows it’s hiding or that there is something to go looking for (to find).

Which has got me thinking about breadcrumbs.

It’s ok to want to hide. It’s ok to want desperately for the right person (or people) to find me.

However, when one hides as well as I do, it makes it really difficult for the I also want to be found need to be met.

So, breadcrumbs.

What small hints can I leave to let others know I exist? What trail of breadcrumbs can I drop that will help the people I can best connect with and serve find me?