I want to talk about showing up. And falling down. And why it all matters.
Let’s start with a story.
I was recently interviewed for the Love Who You Are video summit.
Leading up to the interview, I was nervous… not unusual when talking about things that are important to me.
Simultaneously, I felt excited to share about how the unresolved trauma we carry from our lineage interferes with our ability to love ourselves and to know/live our purpose.
The day of the interview.
The interview took place the morning after a full day of holiday traveling. I told myself I was present and prepared.
In truth, I was tired, stressed from the previous day’s travel and disconnected from my body and emotions. So disconnected, in fact, that I wasn’t even aware of the disconnect.
The time for the interview arrived. I showed up. I talked.
The interview ended and Lillian, the summit host, asked how it had went. I said that I’d been really struggling to stay connected to myself, to what I was talking about, to the ancestors.
In fact, the entire interview felt like an epic battle, a battle to be in my body, to be present, to be connected to anything real and authentic. A battle that I lost, at least by my own estimation.
The aftermath of the interview.
In the days following the interview, I found myself obsessively replaying the interview over in my head, noting all the times that I:
- tried to think how any number of my teachers/mentors might answer a particular question vs trusting my experience, my voice;
- started to say one thing and then moved on to something else without ever fully completing the first thought;
- gave, while not a fully inaccurate response, one that was on the edge of misrepresentation due to incompleteness.
Of course, this obsessive review was accompanied by very unpleasant inner commentary:
“Why did you say THAT? That was so incomplete and just wrong! You totally let Lillian, yourself, everyone down. You let Spirit down!”
Also: “Ohmygod! What if one of my teachers happens to watch this interview! Oh, the horror!”
The replaying plus self-chastisement went on and on…
What I learned through this experience and why I’m sharing it with you.
Eventually I was able to sit and process the experience and my rather extreme reaction to it. Thanks to that, I have two take-aways for you today.
First, though, I’m sharing this experience because we are in a time when more and more people are showing up, are speaking up. This is SO important and I am heartened hearing all the voices that are emerging speaking up for love, for justice, for our earth!
However, as we continue to show up, there will likely be times when we fall, when we say or do things we regret. We might even be mocked, ridiculed, scorned, shamed.
While taking time to process and heal is necessary after a fall, it is vital that we get back up. All of our voices are needed… regardless of how halting or imperfect.
So, here are the today’s take-aways.
1) Showing up matters.
Our voices might shake. We might struggle to find the right words or actions. We might say things that aren’t perfectly aligned with our values and true selves.
And yet, showing up and being seen and heard – in ALL our humanness and imperfection – is incredibly powerful.
2) Falling down opens the door to healing and greater self-love.
When things don’t go as we want and we ‘fall’ we then have the opportunity to:
- Learn more about how we react to our own falling down or failing (whether actual or perceived). I discovered, for instance, deeper layers of both perfectionism and fear of being seen/looking stupid coming to the surface.
- Practice self-love. After the interview, I had the opportunity to practice self-love, listening to and loving these parts of me that were so afraid as well as the parts of me that were so critical and angry.
- Take another look at the patterns running through our lives and lineages that are in need of healing. It’s very clear to me, for example, that this pattern of perfectionism and self-criticism didn’t start with me.
Basically, when we show up and fall down we have an opportunity to take another step on our own healing path.
We have an opportunity to come into a place of greater wholeness and integration…. which will then allow us to show up again, this time from a place of even greater power and wholeness.
In the end…
Through participating in this video summit I learned so much about showing up, about why I tend to hide AND about loving myself in all my imperfection.
While I might have fallen, I will get back up and continue to say yes! to opportunities that allow me to use my voice, share my work, and sow seeds of love and kindness.
Do you also struggle with patterns of perfectionism or fears of looking stupid? Do you want to stop hiding, step into your power and share who you are and what you stand for?
It has already had an incredible impact on my life. I have the feeling it will on yours too.
I’ll see you there. 🙂