There’s been this theme running through my days lately. A theme centered around deserving, feeling worthy, and being enough.
Actually, the theme is more about not deserving, not feeling worthy, and not being enough.
For instance, I stumbled across this affirmation a couple of days ago:
“I deserve to be fully healthy, financially stable, and in a healthy love relationship.”
I couldn’t even read it without feeling totally creeped out.
How can I deserve those things? What have I done to be worthy of such gifts?
The Danger of If – Then Thinking
If – Then Thinking: thoughts like “if I do this, then this other thing will happen.” Followed often, either consciously or unconsciously with the thought “and then I’ll be happy.”
- If I am a good person, then I’ll be loved.
- If I make the bed, clean the house, make healthy food, then I’ll be a good partner, mother, roommate, etc.
- If I meditate, say my prayers, do whatever my spiritual practice is, then I’ll experience peace, abundance and love in my life.
- If I say yes when you ask me to do something, then you will love and accept me.
- If I do more networking, then I’ll have all the business I need and won’t have to worry about money.
- If I do yoga (or run, work-out, etc) every day, then I’ll look great and people will like me.
Of course, there is the flip-side as well.
- If I don’t network, then my business will fail.
- If I say no to you, then you won’t love and accept me.
- If I don’t follow through with my spiritual practice, then I won’t experience peace, abundance and love in my life.
- If I tell you what I really think, then you will get mad at me.
- If I do something mean, then I deserve to be punished.
- If I don’t work out daily, then I’ll look awful and don’t deserve to be loved.
Basically, in If – Then Thinking, we are saying that what we do or don’t do determines whether we deserve love and wellbeing (or punishment and suffering).
In If – Then Thinking our thoughts, words, and actions determine whether or not we deserve the things we most desire… whether those things are qualities like love and peace or more concrete things like financial stability, loving relationships and strong, healthy bodies.
What if we could break out of the cycle of if-then thinking?
What if being enough has nothing at all to do with the things you think, say, or do?
What if you, just you, are enough?
What if you are fully deserving just because you are you?
What if you are worthy of love and health and stability just because you exist?
Now, this is a pretty difficult concept for me.
Most of the time, I’m very stuck in the belief that my thoughts, words, and action determine whether I am worthy.
Here’s some If – Then Thinking that I’ve been noticing in myself over the past few days:
If I am kind and loving and do the things he wants me to do, then my boyfriend will love me and want to stay with me.
Is that true? Nope. I can do everything ‘right’ and he still may leave me.
If I spend this amount of time marketing my business and doing the things a good business-woman should do, then my business will succeed.
True? Not necessarily. It can still fail magnificently.
If I get angry at someone or tell them no, then they will hate me.
True? Again, maybe not. It is possible that I can get angry with someone or even tell them ‘no’ and they will still love me and want to be in my life.
If I am good enough (eat healthfully, get enough sleep, exercise, meditate, spend time with my emotions, etc) then I will be healthy and won’t get debilitating headaches.
True? Well, the past definitely hasn’t shown this to be true.
I want to begin to unravel this thought pattern and to inquire into it (with huge amounts of patience and kindness).
I want to offer (to myself) the possibility that maybe, perhaps, I am enough. I am worthy. I am deserving of love, health and stability.
And, that maybe, possibly, there’s nothing required of me to make me worthy.
That I truly am enough.
As I am.
And, I want to offer to you the same possibility.
That you, just you, are enough.
As you are. Right now.
You are enough.