Five days have now passed since the Ritual of Letting Go was held on the banks of a shockingly cold river in the Columbia River Gorge.
My memories of the ritual are ones of laughter, of beauty, of song, and of deep connection to myself, to nature, to the other participants, and to Water.
Most often, after this ritual, I feel amazingly clean, clear, alive, and deeply connected to who I am and to what I am here to do.
The water truly does wash away all murkiness, all confusion, and all that stands in the way of my connection to my true nature and to Spirit.
This time, however, the ritual seems to have served another purpose.
It seems that this time the waters washed away all that stood in the way of me being able to truly see and feel a deep pattern of misalignment within myself.
Today, as I write, I feel raw and vulnerable.
Today I am recognizing and acknowledging there is a much deeper pattern of letting go, of release, that needs to occur.
And, it isn’t something that I want to release. In fact, it is something I have resisted releasing with every cell of my being – clutching and clinging with every fiber of my will.
I’m not certain I can speak directly about this pattern that is asking for release today.
It is too new, too raw.
So, I will share in this vague way because it seems important to acknowledge that this is one of the possible outcomes of ritual.
Yes, often, we exit ritual space feeling deeply alive, nourished, and connected.
Often, the clarity of our vision, of our thoughts, and of our being, is astonishing.
And, there are also often times when what we really needed from (in this case) the water was not exactly what we thought we needed.
Participating in ritual is an act of surrender.
We take into this Ritual of Letting Go all that we are aware needs to be released.
And then we surrender, trusting that Water and Spirit know what is truly needed and that what is truly needed may be different than what we think is needed.
Further, we trust that Water and Spirit will reveal that which needs to be released in ways that we can understand, that we can process, and that will lead to the transformation and healing that we truly need.
In my experience, this has always been the case.
While the aftermath of ritual may at times be challenging, the end result, for myself, has always been a deepening into my gifts, into my connections with Spirit, and into my ability to show up for my family and community in ways that are loving, kind, and aligned with Spirit and my purpose.
While I’m not there yet with this latest pattern asking for acknowledgment and release, I trust the water of my tears to bring the healing, release, and clarity that is needed.
I trust that the next step will reveal itself. I trust that transformation will occur.
And, I trust that I am continuing to be held by Water, by Spirit, and by all of my sisters in ritual.