I woke up feeling a lot of sadness and disappointment today. Loneliness too. Seems to just be where I am right now. Sure, there are external things that I can point to as triggers, that I could easily blame. But… the depth of this sadness is far greater than the external circumstances warrant.
So, hello Sadness. Hi Loneliness. What do you need?
You. Always you.
Ok, here I am. Is there more?
Oh. You want me to stop looking to him to make you feel better. You want me to meet you. Ok. I want that too. And, it’s true. I do tend to look to him to make me (you) feel better.
Yeah, you’re right, most of the time it doesn’t really work.
It’s just so easy right now for me to get overwhelmed by you and to loose touch with all the parts of me that aren’t you. I just get swept into you.
You feel so vast and deep and bottomless.
Stay on the edge of me. Use a lake (perhaps Crater Lake) as a metaphor. Sit on my banks, delight in my beauty, my depth, my great blueness. Admire my textures and ripples. See yourself reflected in my stillness.
Explore my island. It is there for you. Yes, even in the midst of all this grief, there is a sanctuary. If you get pulled into me and can’t find your way back to my shore, take refuge on my island. It is the space within the feeling.
For now, sit on my shore. Watch the sun set and rise over me. Listen to the birds.
See me from different perspectives. Become a bird and fly over me. Stand on that peak over there and look down on me. Where do you feel strong and resilient in relation to me?
Am I really so scary? Can you love and accept me as I am? Can you see the beauty in me?
Dip your toes into my waters. Let my tears caress and cleanse you.
Swim in me when you have need. I am here for you. You need not be afraid.